too bad you live with your parents still
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
