I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
