Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
