I bet he comes in French.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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