i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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