I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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