Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
