Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
