they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
