don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
