Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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