Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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