They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
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I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
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Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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