by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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