we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
