I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
