worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
