you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
