i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
