I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
