you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
