You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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