Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
