Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
