I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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