just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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