sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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