I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
