Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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