when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
