The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Vodka?
Forever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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