dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
