I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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