if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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