My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
