I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
