yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
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Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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