Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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