and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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