You made me cry and you don't even care
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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