We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
