I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
