I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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