her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They have beer where we have blood.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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