we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
