dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were trust falling into bushes
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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