the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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