i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
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