matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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