Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nicole vs. Life
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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