you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize