you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
