I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
