Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
