Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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