Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
