I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
