whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
