I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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