Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
