My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
