Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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