I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
