Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
