Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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