I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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