i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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