He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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