I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
