I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i've created a new STD.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
