He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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