fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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