Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
