alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
