i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
