peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you have to choose: penises or morals?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
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