I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
