Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
