Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
