Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
