At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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