Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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