remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
These tits shall not be calmed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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