I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
