i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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