Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
