I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
