I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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i drank out of a bidet.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
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When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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