Dual....:-)
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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