In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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