i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
